[Fiction] How to Be A Cool Guy
I wrote part of How to Be A Cool Guy in 2017, but never finished the story. Still, what I did write continues to make me laugh and has weathered the passing of the years, so I'm sharing it here. If you have a six- or seven-year-old boy who is navigating new growing-up pressures at school and loves Minecraft, How to Be A Cool Guy is a fun way to talk about this unique time in his life. And maybe even avoid having him steal all your sunglasses ...
Griffin Wright, ordinary boy extraordinaire, is starting second grade at a new school and is desperate to make friends. But when did fitting in become so hard? Hmm, what if he wears not just one, but two sunglasses this year?! Read along as Griffin figures out how to be the coolest guy in second grade--or maybe not.
As I said above, this is a partially completed story. I don't plan to write the rest, so please feel free to finish it yourself (or, better yet, have your child write and illustrate the rest). I would love to read what you come up with.
Read an excerpt of How to Be A Cool Guy below and download the full-ish story here for free.
Chapter 1: Stinky 2nd Grade Baby
Griffin Wright woke up feeling uncomfortably wet and cold.
Ugh. He’d peed his bed again.
“GRIFFIN! I SAID GET DOWN HERE!” his dad yelled from down the stairs. “We need to be out the door in 10 MINUTES!”
Holy Creepers! 10 minutes?! Griffin needed at least that time just to sit in front of the heater to warm up again. His little sister had opened the window last night—again. His parents liked to give him that look when he pointed out that she was clearly a cold-blooded reptile. Griffin didn’t get the big deal. It was just a scientific fact.
“GRIFFIN! YOU BETTER BE DOWN HERE IN THE NEXT 10 SECONDS!!”
Nether!
Griffin went into panic mode.
“OK, first day of new school ... First day of new school … Gotta look cool …” Griffin muttered to himself frantically, mentally trying and failing to picture himself looking cool and coming up short. He could feel his heart starting to race. Griffin had spent kindergarten and first grade at a school that made everyone wear a uniform. It was a boring blue uniform and a boring school, but now Griffin was starting to appreciate how easy it had made getting ready in the morning. Did he even have cool clothes?!
“ … 9 … 8 …”
Nether, nether, nether! If he didn’t get downstairs right now, his dad was going to take away his game time again. And Minecraft was, well … everything. If he couldn’t play, it would be like losing OXYGEN or BLOOD.
In desperation, Griffin grabbed wildly at the first things he saw in the pile of dirty clothes on his floor and sprinted downstairs.
“... 2 … 1!”
Griffin skidded to a stop in the living room.
“You’re not even dressed yet?! Griffin! You know full well that I’m going to be late to work unless we’re out the door in the next five minutes. GET. DRESSED!”
Jeez. Griffin knew his dad got stressed out when there was too much going on, but this much yelling first thing in the morning wasn’t healthy for Griffin’s tender seven-year-old ears. Griffin liked to ease into the morning quietly and slowly. Ah, for the weekend ...
His little sister, Juniper, glowered at him from behind his dad’s back. She was, of course, fully dressed in an—admittedly—cool sparkly gold jumpsuit and Batman cape. Being part reptile, she naturally didn’t need to sleep as much as Griffin. (His parents seemed to object to hearing this information, too. His mom even went so far as to ask him if that meant that he was part sloth. Funny, Mom.)
But wait … was Juniper eating the last apple ginger muffin?!! Nether her!
Griffin kept reminding Juniper that, as a reptile, she would be totally fine just eating flies and bugs. That—again, perfectly scientific fact—had earned him some dark looks from his parents. And Juniper, sneaky reptilian kindergartener that she was, still kept beating him to the good human breakfast food. He had been looking forward to that muffin since yesterday ...
“Is that what you’re wearing?” Juniper laughed, free to dig into him now that his dad was stomping down to the garage. Jeez.
Griffin looked down at the clothes he had brought down. White stretchy pants with an unfortunately placed hole in the butt and a suspicious-looking yellow stain on one leg (it was paint!), and a t-shirt from his grandmother that said, “Mommy [hearts] Me.” OH, DEAR NETHER! He couldn’t wear this stuff to second grade. HE’D LOOK LIKE A DIRTY BABY!
“Ew! You smell like pee!” Juniper added before turning on the heels of her sparkling high tops and slinking down the stairs to the garage like the mean little reptile she was. “Dad, I’m ready!”
Griffin bent over and sniffed himself. Creepers! He did smell like pee. Honestly, he didn’t mind the smell of his own pee (or farts) thaaaaat much. Buuuuut …. he’d been made to understand in no uncertain terms by his parents again and again that he wasn’t supposed to share that information (or smell) with the world.
“GRIFFIN MAYWEATHER WRIGHT! Get down here RIGHT NOW!” Griffin’s dad bellowed from the garage.
Uh oh. His dad had said his middle name. Griffin knew full well that his middle name meant he was about ten seconds from a major consequence. Notlosinggametimenotlosinggametimenotlosinggametime!
“Coming! I’ll be right there!” Griffin yelled back, frantically pulling his horrible outfit onto his stinking body.
“ … 5 … 4 …”
He grabbed his backpack and raced down into the garage, steeling himself against the day ahead. Second grade was clearly going to be a disaster, but at least he’d have game time when he got home.
“ … 1! That’s it, Griffin! No game time today!”
NOOOO!!! OXYGEN! BLOOD!
Download the rest of How to Be A Cool Guy here.